I decided to branch out a bit and try a movie from another platform. This week, I bring you “The Void” from Amazon Prime.
Synopsis: An anthology of some of the worst acted, poorly filmed, and flimsily written “horror” short films.
Movie Pitch: “Okay guys, I know we all went to college together and took that one class in producing videos, but I think we can make this anthology work if all of our movies are equally confusing and terrible.”
Favorite death: Definitely the evil fairy.
Funniest part: Everything. These were so bad.
What they did right: A Bird’s Nest was by far my favorite. I’m really glad they included that movie amongst the others. It was emotional and I didn’t see the ending coming at ALL. It touched on a lot of human emotion as well as a side of psychopaths we don’t often get to see.
Since this was an anthology, I’ll give you a brief synopsis of each story and then call it a day.
The entire movie starts out with letters so blurry you can barely read what they say. Then the screen changes to a definition of the word “Void” which proceeds to have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the movies in this anthology.
The first film is called Dystopia St.
made by a dude named…wait for it….Dave Cave. It starts off with a naked dude answering the phone. The guy on the other end says something about needing a key. So he hangs up, gets dressed, and hears a knock at the door. He grabs a knife and goes to inspect. When he opens the door, he sees a blind and bald man (akin to the Tweedle twins) who hands him a box.
He retreats back to his room and opens the box to reveal a VHS tape. (Mind you at this point, I haven’t left anything else or edited what I’ve said this movie is about- this is really what’s happening). Because he’s a normal human, rather than play the tape, he destroys it and finds a key. The rest of the film continues to be this weird and includes a part where the dude meets a chick that looks like the Tweedle twin. He ends up holding her boob only to find that it was…wait for it….a booby trap. The Tweedle twin reveals himself as having been the woman all along and starts laughing at the guy. He tries his best to make sure he holds on to the key the entire time, but we never find out why It’s so important. In the end, we find out the director has no idea what Dystopia means.
Dextrocardia is the name of the next film. It’s about an assassin that kills people for money, takes their picture once their dead, then trades the picture for a fat stack of cash. Dextrocardia is an actual condition in which the heart is located on the right side of the body instead of the left. So, this one target gets shot, but because he has Dextrocardia, he lives, kills the assassin, then somehow finds the bad guy’s secret lair and kills them all.
The name of the third film is A Dark Night in the Wrong House
. This kid is playing video games when suddenly
the electricity goes out thanks to a storm. Fairly
decent beginning, wouldn’t you say? Well, once the lights are out, a green mist appears behind him and reveals a distressed-looking spirit
. It chases him throughout his house (where he is inexplicably alone) and half-heartedly moans as the kid does this weird “scream
.” Then the ghost catches up to him and calls “Richard” the kid then says “I’m not Richard” and that’s basically
it. The ghost calls him an idiot, then disappears.
What is there to say about the masterpiece that is Carrier Crow. Not much, to be honest. It’s about this guy that invents some kind of social app for those attempting suicide. Thing is, when you watch one video, the app hooks you and you end up killing yourself. The guy that created it ends up losing all of his friends to this app. Eventually he takes his own life by swallowing some tic tacs (“pills”) and root beer (“Whiskey”).
*Side note: I didn’t understand the message in most of these stories, so I’m just relating them to you how I understood they happened. Please, feel free to watch this film and see if you can figure out what the hell they were supposed to be about. *
The fifth film was the shortest of all and was called Status Change. From the visual cues (and some really weird sound effects) you can tell this woman had been abused by her husband. She’s in the process of changing her relationship status. The camera pans over to her hand which is covered in blood as she clicks on “single.” This was one of the two redeemable movies in this collection and I didn’t have time to hate it because of how short it was.
The next film is called 300,000 Kilometers Per Second
. It’s about a French watch maker that had cracked the code of time travel. He’s captured by the time police and interrogated by a portly
French man who seems to be important. The portly man begins to monologue, telling us everything that we’re supposed to know about the French watch maker and his father
. The portly
man’s goons then threaten the watch maker’s life until he tells them where his time machine is. Surprise! It’s his watch and he zooms away into the future where it’s okay to put boobs on billboards.
A Bird’s Nest
was actually my favorite of all of
them. It had a plot, the characters were a bit dry but believable nonetheless, and it dealt with some dark themes. David lives with his alcoholic father who is abusive. He tiptoes around him on the regular so he doesn’t get the snot beat out of him. One day, his neighbor comes by with her dog, Peanut. She introduces herself as Amy. During their interaction, Peanut runs away and kills a bird. When the kids find the bird, David snaps it up and runs into the woods, as any normal child would do. David then strings the bird up in his fort to be his friend. We soon find out that this bird is not his first victim and he later moves on to Peanut, stuffing him in a shoe box.
Amy comes by David’s house looking for Peanut and he leads her to his fort in the woods. She is astounded and promptly creeped out. She tries to run away but ends up getting killed by David and kept in his fort as his new best friend. I really liked this film. I think it’s primarily because of how dark it is, but also because it was nice to come across a movie with an actual plot.
The final film is called Fairy Knowledge and is about a girl that seeks revenge on a group of popular girls for pity-inviting her to their party. The popular girls kick her out because she came to a fairy party looking like trash. So, naturally, she goes to a haunted book store and nabs a tome written in German that teaches her how to catch a fairy. She catches one, then takes it to the popular girls’ house and sends the fairy after them…because she learned the fairy attack word.
I won’t bore you with more reading since I’m sure that was enough for you. This anthology was bad and you shouldn’t watch it unless you feel like scooping out your eyeballs afterward.
Last Week’s Review:Ghost House
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