Today’s entry is going to be a bit different. I won’t be reviewing a movie. Now, I know what you’re thinking ‘um, excuse me Augie, you’ve been doing off-brand stuff a lot lately on these Thursday episodes and I don’t like it”
Well I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I have a life and sometimes that life is dark and full of terrors. Terrors like living without coffee for a week and not knowing what day it is.
P.s. support me on Patreon!
But for realz, life has sucked a lot lately and when I’m not sad and undercaffienated, all I want to do it take my mind off of when life is sad and undercaffienated. So, today I’m doing something a bit different because, if I’m being honest, I got too overwhelmed with life to review something new last week. I’m going to list 10 tropes I just don’t understand in shitty horror movies.
Here’s the rub. 5 of these tropes are going to be discussed here while the other 5 are going to be available for free on my Patreon page. The second half of this entry will only be available there.
If you don’t care, you don’t care, but if you do care, I just re-structured the tiers of my Patreon so supporting me will be more accessible and I won’t put extra stress on myself and make promises I don’t have time to keep. Be sure to check those out while you’re over there!
For a more comprehensive explanation of these tropes, stay tuned for my podcast episode that will be out tomorrow!
Okay, without further ado, here are the first 5 tropes that make no sense to me in shitty horror movies.
But WHY is the bad guy creepy? This is first because it’s the most common trope I’ve discovered in the movies I’ve watched. Directors and writers like to do this thing where they make the bad guy creepy but never explain why he’s like that. For example, the Bye Bye Man. He is a super creepy distant cousin of Voldemort. With his hellhound by his side, he terrorizes people and makes their worst nightmares come true. But we have no idea what his motivation is or why he’s creepy, so he fails to be a complex enough character for us to have nightmares about.
Stereotypical jump scares, having nothing happen, then making a different jump scare happen. These drive me crazy, not only because I fall for them more often than not, but because they’re still only jump scares. They’re an easy way to make someone scared of your movie without having an actual plot or a reason for the bad guy to be killing people.
Can we stop making mental illnesses tropes? You’ve all heard my treatise on this multiple times, but there are several movies I’ve reviewed and even more that I haven’t that feature characters with disabilities that are either publicly mocked on screen or misrepresented. There’s nothing beneficial about enforcing stereotypes about mentally handicapped people, especially in a genre that calloused people typically watch.
Taking time out of dramatic scenes to have a heart to heart moment- I made this list as I watched the movies I reviewed over the last few months and I specifically remember adding this one after I watched the movie Nails. There’s a part at the end where Nails is literally about to kill the main character and her daughter and they have this four minute long scene where they’re crying and saying goodbye to each other before he gets them. All the while, Nails is just chilling outside of a door that isn’t even locked.
Orange fake blood– I mean, how hard is it to not add yellow dye to blood. For example, in Red Christmas, the blood was not only thin as water, but a bright yellow/orange color that contrasted very strangely to the odd lighting on the rest of the set. Who knows if that was intentional, but I do know that blood is red, not orange.
Well, there you have the first five. Don’t forget to head over to my Patreon where you can read the rest for free!